The Flip Side

Well, people, I tried switching it (see comments in last post), tell me what you think. Or add suggestions if you wish.


The Pits
Eleven different people fell into eleven different pits and couldn't get themselves out.

A SUBJECTIVE person said to the person walking by:
"I feel for you, up there."

An OBJECTIVE person said:
"It's logical that I would fall down here."

A PHARISEE said:
"I am righteous! I pray every day on the street corners, why was that not enough to keep me out?!?"

A MATHEMATICIAN
calculated all the mathematical possibilities for his escape from the pit.

A NEWS REPORTER
called his editor and announced he'd stumbled into a great lead for a headline.

A FUNDAMENTALIST said:
"I don't deserve my pit!"

An I.R.S. man
made a note to audit the owner of the pit, to see if he had cheated on his taxes.

A SELF-PITYING person said:
"Woe is me! Everyone come see how horrible my life is now! I am a victim!"

A CHARISMATIC
confessed he was not in the pit.

An OPTIMIST said:
"Things could be worse," and finished drinking his half full glass of water.

A PESSIMIST said:
"Things have been terrible, now they are horrible, and I'm positive they are only going to get worse from now on!"

JESUS, seeing them, took them by their hands and LIFTED THEM OUT of the pits.

-Source Unknown

Quotes of the day

"We cannot let our burdens paralyze our progress." -Barbara Johnson


Feeling down?
"Just remember that behind every dark and stormy cloud... is a ruined hairstyle and worms on the sidewalk." -Source Unknown


The Pit
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.

A SUBJECTIVE person came along and said:
"I feel for you, down there."

An OBJECTIVE person came along and said:
"It's logical that someone would fall down there."

A PHARISEE said:
"Only bad people fall into a pit."

A MATHEMATICIAN
calculated how he fell into the pit.

A NEWS REPORTER
wanted the exclusive story on his pit.

A FUNDAMENTALIST said:
"You deserve your pit."

An I.R.S. man
asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

A SELF-PITYING person said:
"You haven't seen anything until you've seen MY PIT!"

A CHARISMATIC said:
"Just confess that you're not in the pit."

An OPTIMIST said:
"Things could be worse."

A PESSIMIST said:
"Things will get worse!"

JESUS, seeing the man, took him by the hand and LIFTED HIM OUT of the pit.

-Source Unknown

You asked for it, you got it, Lisa

ONCE upon a time there was a little girl who attended a small one room school... it was, actually, in the basement of the church her dad pastored. And to further the interest, the intrepid teacher of this diminutive school was her aunt. There were, on the peak year, twelve students who spent their days imbibing wisdom and knowledge like a smack* of jelly fish caught in a sand storm. They all loved school and wept when there were snow days.

For gym class they enjoyed a plethora of unusual games or sports. One of which was balloon volleyball played inside on the carpeted school room's floor. For a net, a line of colorful yarn spanned the width of the room, tied to the knob of a door and the latch of a window. Even though, as would be expected, it was a game in slow motion because the balloon was never in any particular hurry, they regularly came away with rug burns on elbows and knees. Some days, during the midmorning break, they pushed their desks into the middle of the room and turned the outer edge into a race track. Zooming around the room, they laughed and yelled, blowing off steam built over the hours spent brain stretching. Until just recently, for it was just repainted, one could visit that room and still see the scuffs and nicks on the walls left from their wild dashing.

They had a really cool teacher.

Anyhow, the narrator has digressed. This little girl was named Lisa. She was a star student. She always got A's. She was loved by all the other students, they looked up to her and when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, they always answered; "I want to be just like Lisa when I grow up." She also, was very cool.

And she still is, even though she has grown up to become an Adult (not that there's anything wrong with Adults...). She writes amazingly, she's terribly smart, she loves God with all her heart (which is the most important thing of all), and she also loves her family. And her family loves her. All in all, she's amazing.

And that's the end of my little tale.


*group

:*(

Bloggers' block!

Arrrrrrrrgggggh.

reeeeeeeeeelax

Sorry about the mess, this place is

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

And if anyone wants to leave comments or suggestions towards the end product, please feel free.

Disclaimer: Just because you suggested something does not mean I will use it.

Thank you very much.

haha.

Voila

I just bought myself a pair of sunglasses. Woohoohoo!

You can see them here.

My uncle is so smart

Here's an idea for a bumper sticker Gerry came up with the other day:

Hitler was pro choice
He chose the Jews

© G.A.

I just have to say...

that I have fallen and I can't get up.

Actually, I got myself one of those mood indicator thingies, just because I felt like it.

One note: I placed as the current mood "vulnerable", not because I'm feeling that way, but just to point out that it's an idiotic choice. Who, if they were truly feeling vulnerable, would actually tell the whole world???

I just don't understand...

The Tale of Two Teeth: Part two

In the days since I had my wisdom teeth forcibly removed, I'd found there was a specific source of pain other than the bereft sockets. The stitches. Every time I spoke, chewed (have you ever tried to chew food without using either side of your jaw? ...I didn't think so...), yawned, or stretched my jaw beyond a certain point, the inflexible stitches remained just that way, inflexible. Which of course means my poor shrinking, tender inner mouth protested loudly. Even to the point of bleeding when I sometimes forgot myself and opened my mouth too far or yelled (yes, I do that sometimes) at Fritha or Jeff (in fun, of course). I'd suddenly find myself clutching my jaw in agony, all the while trying to stifle laughter that insisted on recognition. Cringing, with shoulders hunched, hands on face, brow furrowed, and muffled "ha ha's" escaping through my fingers and out my nose. The sounds I made were rather amusing. I spoke carefully, as though I had wads of gauze in my cheeks, or just avoided talking at all unless it was of vital importance. Of course, it's not like I talk overly much anyway... so the silence in the house didn't really grow. *sigh* Oh well. I found also that there's a lot one could say without actually opening their mouth.

Me: "Mhhph!"
Frith: "What?"
Me: "Hmmph, mmph, mmmh!"
Frith: "Huh?.... arrrgh!"

Which is to say, "Fritha! Don't step in that!"

Maybe it didn't work quite as well as was hoped...

So, yesterday when I went to have the lil buggers removed, the oral surgeon looked in my mouth and said with great aplomb, "Oh, your stitches are a little tight."

You don't say.

Those of us who dream...

should avoid sleeping.

Once upon at time...

In my search for quality blog material, I have been wracking my brains for anything interesting or exciting from my past. I've come up strangely blank (this is not a cue for laughter). All I've dredged from the deep, dark past has been mind-numbingly boring anecdotes, painful memories about bodily harm which has befallen my person and the evil things I have done to torture my siblings. None of which could possibly contain enough information for even a remotely intriguing blog.

On the other hand, there may be many things about my person that you all never knew, which would shatter your knowledge of who I am, rock your worlds and provide fodder for whisperings in dark corners. If this is true, then obviously I won't tell you, which means you now all will be in painful suspense for the rest of your existences. Just think... all those minutes of not knowing... hoursss... daysss.... monthsss... yearsss... and yes, even decades! Woohoo, what fun!

Or maybe I'm just feeling particularly lazy and don't want to stir myself to operate on my barred memory. This, I fear, is far more likely. I'm convinced my siblings could deluge me with many things I've done, most of which I'm sure I've blocked from memory to avoid drowning in guilt. Or maybe it's actually true and my life has honestly been too boring for words. In which case I'd really rather not make anyone cry.

And now I have once again created a blog about absolutely nothing. That must be some kind of desirable talent. Please tell me it's true.

Ow

Unless you have a dire need (like keeping the world as we know it from coming to an unfortunately premature end), never have your wisdom teeth removed.

It's not worth it, believe me.

Tears

The purpose of this post is not to be depressing. I've been building this collection of verses for a while, and if anyone knows of one I don't have, please feel free to leave it as a comment.


Luke 6:21 "Blessed are those who are hungry. They will be satisfied. Blessed are those who are crying. They will laugh."

Psalm 126:5 "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."

2 Timothy 1:4 "I remember how you cried, and I want to see you, because that will make me truly happy."

Ecclesiasties 3:4 "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"

John 11:35 "Jesus wept."

Lamentations 3:49-50 "My eyes will flow without ceasing, without respite, until Jehovah from heaven looks down and sees..."

Psalm 56:8 "You have kept record of my days of wandering. You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them."