A fairly stupid tale

Once upon a time there was a little girl and this little girl had a curl right in the middle of her... chinny chin chin (which is really gross, so let me hurry on...). One day, this little girl - let's call her Ash - skipped off into the woods on her way to visit her poor, sick... chicken (he had a big problem with paranoia, you know, the sky is falling type). As little Ash skipped on through the woods, she sprinkled crumbs on the trail behind herself as a precaution against losing her way when she trotted homeward. What she didn't know however, was that a ways back down the trail followed... the seven dwarves. They had taken the day off from their mine work to carry out the weekly forest parole because, despite their energetic tunneling in the mines, they were actually rabid tree huggers. So today they carried little black trash bags over their shoulders in which they placed bits of trash they discovered here and there. Which of course included Ash's crumbs, poor lass.

After a while, Ash tired from her skipping, so she seated herself upon a convenient mossy log and pulled out her handy dandy insulated lunch bag with sparkley racing stripes across the lid. From it she removed a big beautiful red... apple (which was poisoned, only she didn't know that. Yet). She held the apple up into the light of the sun and laughed (I'm still not sure why..). Just as she was about to take a bite, a knight on his shining charger - complete with rippling muscles (I'm talking about the horse, not the knight)- thundered by and... knocked her over. Which was a good thing in a strange way, because it kept her from eating the poisoned apple, but not in other ways because it gave her some wicked bruises.

In pain, she stumbled further down the trail until she came to a cute little cottage with large ugly fake gumdrops attached to the outer walls and roof. After knocking on the door and getting no answer, she timidly stepped into the house. On the table were... bowls of porridge. (And if you went throughout the house, you'd find three of most things, all of which she either ate or sat on.) After completing her tour of destruction, she fell asleep with her face in one of the porridge bowls. While you where sleeping - I mean - while she was sleeping, the three... blind mice (aka three myopic rodents) came home. Upon sensing her presence, the papa mouse thundered as only a mouse can: "Fee fi fo fum, I smell the... shampoo on someone's hair and it's not any of ours because we don't use shampoo!"

But Ash did not awake because as any smart person would know, mice, no matter how loud they thunder, just aren't loud. At all. So Ash, poor lass, was carried out the door, down the dale and across the stream to... somewhere that was definitely not grandmother's house. Whatever the place was, it doesn't matter because they left her there and she kept sleeping for a really long time and it was so long that there's not enough room on this blog for the end of the story to fit, which is sad because it was going to be really cool and now you will never know, which means you're going to be left hanging, waiting, weeping, for the conclusion that you're never going to get! Hahahahaaha!

The End